Hmmm... have you ever feel you look too young for a job?

It's never really crossed my mind that i look young or cute because I feel old....

It has happened once where I was chosen for a project and then I was swapped for another role because bluntly, they think I looked too young. It was then that i realize, yes, compared to alot of people my age or younger, I do look young and "cute".

Although I would hate to look older, but sometimes I can't help but resent the fact that because I look young, I am automatically judged as inexperienced. Especially in the field I am in, I can totally imagine myself walking in and meeting the client for the first time by myself and in their mind they will b thinking... "what's this kid doing here??" Because the moment i open my mouth to greet them... the kiddy voice of mine just confirms their impression. I guess I can't blame them for not taking me seriously.

So yea... I can't deny the fact that i need certain looks to succeed in certain jobs..  But do i wanna look older just to succeed in my job?

I have pretty much given up looking at the one and only design Perth apartments seems to have available... the shoe box apartment... yes a box with a few smaller boxes within it labelled master, bath, bedroom 2, kitchen and living. And you pay a minimum of $500k for that shoe box. See below: (done in ppt, i wonder if all perth developers design their apartments in powerpoint too! hahahaha!)

We neeeeeed some new developers.... who would build something like this..

And guess how much the above cost ? It probably costs at least $700k if it was in Perth city. But this is only listed $480k.... for a 2 bed 2 bath in the heart of melbourne city, literally few steps away from bourke st...collins st... ah... the bliss!

..... Stop and stare, i think i'm moving but i go nowhere...

171 days... *chants....Yes I am very patient... I am very patient...*

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?

OH...Can't believe its 10pm! Saturdays always pass way too quickly .... it's not fair !!!

I'm in the middle of clocking my 65 hour work week this week. 3 days down... 4 more to go

I was so dreading the week to begin that I actually wished I would just die in my sleep and never wake up to Sunday. In terms of length, this is not the first time for working 65 hours... in fact i've worked from like 9am to 2am everyday (including Saturdays) for a couple of weeks and I've had my fair share of OT both in deloitte and in DTF.

Funny my colleagues in DTF still makes an effort to keep in touch with me. I miss the girls so much and I'm sure they miss me too! HAHA.. maybe not! I do miss my time at DTF as I learnt so much in such a short time and I do feel like although I've upgraded my employer, I've plateued my skills (and income). I miss being able to handle my own projects and not to receive the left over jobs from other people. I know I can do better, but I have just lost all motivation to even try to make the best out of shit jobs. Worst part is, although u hate what u do, u can't say it. Colleagues will always ask you about your project and u have to pretend to sound all enthusiastic. The job satisfaction is so low! I mean compare being able to manage a $90mil contract with over 100 suppliers and eval reports and applications coming left right centre to proof reading, reformatting and preparing documents. Documents which may end up at the bottom of the client's drawer... prolly never looked at again.

Ok, it sounds like I am regretting my move. But i am not. It's a risk I took and will not know how it will turn out if I did not take it up. It's like trial and error. I took up DTF without even knowing what procurement means and I ended up enjoying it and taking up Deloitte is just another step I had to take to know. Perhaps it was the right move, wrong time. Plus, life is made harder bcoz i know exactly where I wud b if i didn't move. I will be half way thru my grad dip in procurement and earning a salary 20k higher than what I earn now.  

I was looking through some old pics and realized how much I miss uni days. How me n my perth besties met and grew closer, me, shirlz n tasha going melb n sydney together for a conference trip, happy times, graduations, goodbyes...

I heard a song which I really liked in final yr uni and suddenly all the memories started flooding back. It's funny how final year uni remains so vividly in my head. From removing my wisdom tooth in feb which caused me sooo much pain and misery to breaking up with charles a day before valentine's to shirley n kie coming to kl and us going to genting together to coming back to perth and staying with shirley for a good month or two to moving out alone in march to going to melb and welcoming ah mean to melb on her 1st night... got pretty drunk and all of us warmed her room to a freaking accident when i came back from melb and suddenly added vulgarities to my canto vocab thanks to sebbie to the nights studying in GP3 with kiez n shirley and me crying and calling ah mean about how stressed i was. It was THE year of good times, bad times for me .

Well i've had it pretty good all this while... with great friends by my side all the time, took me less than a month to get my first job, got my PR in 2 months and had an above average starting salary. No wonder i can't seem to cope with what a crap year i am going through now... All this shit about rats having a good year this year in the Year of the Bull... is really... BULL SHIT! Ok.. i am applying alll the aforementioned solely to me and not anyone else ya. So other Rats can surely reject my hypothesis!

Whooaaa.. end of my library shift~  Woots!

 I got this in my hotmail today.... what a pleasant surprise.....

Holy moly !!!! Thinking back... i've been using the same hotmail account since i was.... 12 ? So yes... it's been 12 years now... TWELVE !!! Amazing... how the internet has evovled. I remember those days in high school... we have like one or two lyrics site n we used to struggle to find lyrics to put into our "lyric book". Now... u can find any random song... in fact if u hear a song u like on the radio, type in a few words u remember from the lyrics... u will be able to find the full lyrics to the song which title u didn't even know! Youtube... u can find ANY video from all over the world. IRC... does it still exist ? Hahaha.. how awesome life has become with the internet!

I got so bored with life... adamant not to have last week the same as this week and the same as the next week, i decided to spice it up a little bit. Since i can't change anything else in my life that i'm sick of, that leaves me with ONE choice... the hair! I was sick of the brittle ends, sick of drying n styling it, sick of the colour, sick of IT lah... so... ta-dah !!

Weirdly enough, before i cut it..... i didn't care whether it will look good.. i just wanna chop chop chop! First thing after i cut... hmmm.. cudn really recognize myself in the mirror, don't know how to wash my hair coz there's no ends and... although i didnt think it looks good, im like watever la  la.. it's a change so hurray! Hehehe.. and it's been 2 weeks now... everyone's 1st sentence to me seems to be about my hair and majority seems to like it. Either that or they r just being nice.. I mean in primary school when we r still honest naive kids, we will say straight to our friends... HAHAHA U LOOK FUNNY! But dats not common practice as adults. Although i would still do it to my besties... but not to my colleagues for sure!!